Abstract Photography

January 23, 2009

 

As anyone will tell you, I’m an admirer of fine art.  As one who has failed so completely and repeatedly at trying to create exquisite expressions of the soul on canvas, I have a particular respect for the great impressionists.  They combine remarkable talent and incredible insight to create pictures that clearly represent a real world while still looking at it through the artist’s emotional viewpoint.

Impressionism

One of my favorite pieces, “A Bunch of French-Looking People at the Park”.

 

On the other side of the spectrum, we have the abstract artists.  These people make fools of the art world by turning a complete lack of talent into “art”.  Any hack can splatter paint on a canvas in some insipid pattern, claim it represents the pain of splattering paint on a canvas in some insipid pattern, and make millions of dollars.

Abstract Art

A piece entitled “My Six-Year-Old Did This.”

 

The same holds for photography but in reverse.  Any hack with a camera can point it at some random object, push a button, and,  voilà,  you have a photograph that accurately represents a real-life object.*  But just as it takes a real artist to turn paint on a canvas into a picture, I contend that it takes a real artist to take a photograph of a real-life object and turn it into abstract art.  At least, that’s the misguided idea that lead me to undertake my own foray into the art world (which requires a camera with real film, which makes me all artsy and hot).  And with that, I present to you, my poor devotees, my first exhibit of Abstract Photography.  I call this collection the “I Hope to Make Millions of Dollars from Stupid People Collection”.  Enjoy.

Varying Shades of Red

I call this piece “Red”.

 

 

Red in One Corner

This piece is entitled “Red in One Corner”.

 

 

Complete Lack of Red

Lastly, my pièce de résistance, “Complete Lack of Red”.

 

I hope that through my art I have allowed you, the reader, to peer into the soul of a true artist.  Or at least waste a couple minutes.

 

 

*(Ok, that’s a complete lie, as is most everything on the entire internet.  Real photography takes a combination of skill and artistic vision that I will never possess.  If you need proof of the power of photography, check out Kelli Oedekoven Photography which has some of the most beautiful photographs I’ve ever seen, especially in the nature section.  Seriously, go there now or I will take away your internet privileges.)

25 Responses to “Abstract Photography”

  1. Beaker, on January 23rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm Said:

    Meep meep MEEP MEEP meep, meep MEEP meep meep. Meep MEEP MEEP MEEP.

    Translation - “I’ll take ten!”

  2. Woooo Girls, on January 23rd, 2009 at 3:00 pm Said:

    “Those pictures are AWESOME!!”

    “Woooooooooooo!!!”

  3. Marks Power of Attorney, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:22 pm Said:

    Sir or Madam,

    I hearby inform you that I just gave myself to one Tyler Burdis for the handling of all of your estate.

  4. Tyler, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:24 pm Said:

    WooHoooo!!! When you get your masters degree, I want that!! Yeah!!

  5. Tyler's lawyer, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:24 pm Said:

    Yeah, idiot, it totally doesn’t work like that…

  6. Tyler, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:25 pm Said:

    Awwwwwww… :(

  7. The color Red, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:26 pm Said:

    I’m suing you for the misinterpretation of how I wanted myself to look in space.

  8. The color Red's lawyer, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm Said:

    Yeah, idiot, it totally doesn’t work like that….

  9. The color Red, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm Said:

    Awwwwwwwwwww… :(

  10. The color Yellow, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:28 pm Said:

    Yeah… suck it Red!!!

  11. Ninja, on January 23rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm Said:

    This comment space is boring, time to go ride my T-Rex and play my laser guitar. *POOF* (Ninja disappears in a cloud of smoke) Cough cough hack WHEEEEZE splat

  12. Mark, on January 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm Said:

    Forget your petty litigation, did you check out http://www.kelliophoto.com ? Go there. Now.

  13. T-Dog, on January 23rd, 2009 at 5:48 pm Said:

    I did, it’s amazing!!! Oh yeah, by the way, I checked out that site and it looks like Kelli is quite the photographer’er. There was so much emotion in the photo’s that I actually cried a little thinking about how beautiful the world can be! Way to go Kelliphoto!!!

  14. Kelli, on January 23rd, 2009 at 6:13 pm Said:

    Wow Mark thanks!! I was about to post the most hated post that hat shrapnel has ever seen, but, until I got to the end. I’m working on posting some newer stuff, just lack of motivation is stopping me! Thanks T-Dog (do I know you?)

  15. Kelli, on January 23rd, 2009 at 6:14 pm Said:

    p.s. Mark I like “red” the best. Oh and it’s hard as hell to make lots of $ with photography.

  16. T-Dog, on January 23rd, 2009 at 6:30 pm Said:

    No Kelli, I don’t think you know me (darn). I’m just a lowly friend of Mark’s that I’m sure he never talks about :(

    Great site by the way, I really like how it’s set up. Very contemporary looking. That must be a pretty crazy camera.

    Keep up the good work!!

  17. Mark, on January 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm Said:

    Aw, T-Dog, I wouldn’t say “lowly.”

    Also, “friend” is a stretch. More like a “contemptible minion”.

  18. T-Dog, on January 23rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm Said:

    I’ve made it to Minion!!! YES!!!

    I’m ok with that :)

  19. T-Dog, on January 23rd, 2009 at 7:12 pm Said:

    You know, now that I know what “contemptible” stands for, I’m not as amused… *sniff*

  20. Kelli, on January 23rd, 2009 at 7:58 pm Said:

    Ok T-Dog I know someone who has gone by that “name” is all.

    I’m still taken back by this whole blog.

  21. Doug, on January 26th, 2009 at 10:40 pm Said:

    I just realized that the gaping hole in my life was the fact that I hadn’t visited hat shrapnel in ages. Woe is me.

    Nifty pictures, too. This makes me want to share a bit of art I just made, entitled”Diabolic Laughter in worksheet 1″ http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t274/buran_2007/10millionmeters.jpg

    Super double brownie points if you remember where that’s from.

    Also, Hi.

  22. Doug, on January 26th, 2009 at 10:42 pm Said:

    Also, I don’t know where those crazy spaces came from in that title, but I like them.

    Pictures are fun: http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t274/buran_2007/P1020743.jpg

  23. JohnK, on January 29th, 2009 at 8:44 am Said:

    Kelly O makes the nicest pictures of anyone I know. I have to confess that, as a Ama-Pro photographer, looking at her work invites envy. One thing is clear, more pictures please!

    Mark, on the other hand. I wonder at what ticks in that brain of yours that makes you first, keep, and then hang up on your wall, failed photos. Maybe you have a line on the next big thing.

  24. unknown, on February 2nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm Said:

    Mark is so talented that he has more than those 3. We should demand to see all of them.
    I do believe he has some of Brasil.

  25. Noogie, on February 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm Said:

    wow… those photos are amazing… (kelli not mark)… also, glad to have you back in the blog-o-sphere good sir! we missed you!

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