Update
-by Mark Huffington, the answer to a question nobody asked
Hello again, Shrapnelites. Hey, I want to apologize for my recent absence. I’d tell you the truth about how I got a little bogged down with decisions about grad school and my future career, but it seems like it would be more fun to lie, so:
Hi, gang. Boy, am I glad to be back. A few weeks ago I was attacked and kidnapped by a tribe of Pygmies that had been living under my bed. They took me back to their native land, Chicago, where they worshiped me as a god, but wouldn’t allow me to update the Shrap, despite my constant and sincere pleas for the mental well-being of my reader-base. Fortunately I was able to construct a rudimentary flare gun using a cardboard toilet-paper tube, some iron filings, and a flare gun I found. I signaled the police who contacted Superman for me and here I am, safe and sound.
Anyway, a big thanks to John for filling in for me while I was not writing, and I assure all (three) of you that he has not taken me hostage and usurped the site for his own nefarious purposes. (Someone contact Superman; John has taken me hostage and usurped the site for his own nefarious purposes.)
Now that I’ve taken care of the housekeeping, I have finally gotten around to writing a post again and you will find it previous to this one (or click here), so enjoy!
P.S. I had no idea where you were going with the ducks, John, but now I see that you’re laying the groundwork for an origins story on a pair of super-powered, possibly radioactive, crime-fighting ducks. I like the idea, but if the story doesn’t pick up soon, you’re going to lose your core audience, which consists of people that read this site and who, therefore, expect a certain level of wit (zombie references), brilliance (bad MS Paint pictures), and class (CRAYONS!).
Can I have some more?