Merchandise
Welcome to the Hat Shrapnel Store, a place where magic, laughter, and the need for cold, hard cash come together to create a Utopian purchasing experience. Enjoy the whimsical fantasy world that is the Hat Shrapnel Store. For every order over $500.00 I will include a free bag of unicorn eyes.
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Support my fight against capitalism with the official Hat Shrapnel “Down with Capitalism!” T-shirt. Embroidered by skilled MS Paint elves, this shirt is made of the finest digital fibers. $140.00 |
This is a pen that I personally used while writing one of the many Hat Shrapnel articles which has brought such limitless joy into your life. Share in the magic! (Comes with authentic chew-marks.) $1000 |
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Ever brag to your friends that you own the Great Pyramids of Giza, but then look like a fool when it comes time to prove it? Well, no more! Handcrafted by the slaves of Pharaoh Khufu, these wonders of the ancient world make the perfect conversation starter.  |
For those of you that worship the ground I walk on, here’s your chance to actually OWN the ground I walk on.  $8.00/lb |
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With 497 cubic-inch dual heads and bifurcating point-particle accelerators, this beautiful 1995 Saab 900SE Convertible rides like a dream drenched in broth made from butterflies. You will enjoy years and years of delight from this picture of a car. Comes in 8×10 glossy, or 90°-rotated 10×8 glossy.  $14.00 |
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